Sake all around
by YonderB
Summary: Bleach x Naruto xover. Yes. I am mad. Hitsugaya has lost Matsumoto in Konoha, and finds her drinking sake after sake with Tsunade. Madness and crack ensues.


Hitsugaya was vaguely annoyed.

He was in a foreign country, and his vice-captain decided to wander off without telling him where she was going.

Whoopee...

Hitsugaya heard a familiar laugh and quickly walked in that direction, a slightly annoyed scowl on his face, dodging people in the streets and ignoring the weird looks he received because of his unruly hair colour. Sometimes being in a fake human body on was damn annoying. _(i've forgotten what the fake bodies are called... 'Gaigai'? is that it?)_

The familiar laugh led the captain to a bar, of which the guard didn't even stop him going into, since the guard was a little absorbed in a bosomy lady's neck he was currently devouring.

Hitsugaya's scowl got deeper, looking around for his vice-captain. Toushirou heard an ear-piercing squeal, immediately recognizing Rangiku's voice, walking toward the table it came from.

The captain rose his eyebrows in surprise.

Rangiku Matsumoto was sitting opposite a lady with –god forbid– equally large breasts as her, or maybe slightly _bigger_. The two of them were laughing and drinking sake happily.

Hitsugaya frowned and looked at the lady. She had golden-brown hair that was separated into two loose pony-tails, a small purple diamond-thing on her forehead, acorn-coloured eyes, red nails, and a bright pink blush over her cheeks from the sake.

... And the breasts.

Toushirou pursed his lips disapprovingly. What _was_ this? A breast-convention?

"AAAHHHH! TAAAAAI-_CHOUUUUU!_"

"mp_PHH_!" was Hitsugaya's startled answer as he was yanked forward and had his face shoved into Matsumoto's chest.

"_GAH_!" gasped the flustered captain as he yanked his face out of Matsumoto's cleavage, gasping for air.

"Something wrong, taichou?" asked Rangiku curiously, pulling Toushirou into her lap, her cheeks bright from the alcohol.

Hitsugaya flinched and growled slightly, resigning to his fate, Toushirou shoved Matsumoto's thighs apart, sitting surprisingly comfortably in between her legs, trying to ignore his vice-captain's breasts that were pressed up against his back.

"... Nothing." muttered Toushirou darkly, glaring loathingly at the empty bottles of sake on the table. He was going to have to put up with a drunk Matumoto until she sobers up. Hoo-_rah_...

"_Ooohhh_...? This is your captain?"

Hitsugaya looked up at the other big-breasted lady who was in front of him, raising an eyebrow.

"YES!" squealed Rangiku, wrapping her arms securely around Hitsugaya's shoulders. "Isn't he adorable, Tsunade-hime!"

"He is!" giggled the lady –Tsunade–, reaching out and tucking a lock of Toushirou's unruly hair behind his ear gently.

"Matsumoto, why are you in this bar? Shouldn't we be..." Toushirou trailed off, not wanting to speak of hollows in front of Tsunade, since she probably doesn't know of them.

"Aww! You're such a party-_pooper_, taichou!" whined Matsumoto. "But look! She has the same cup-size as me!"

Hitsugaya felt his virgin eyes bleed as he saw Rangiku's hand reach over and squeeze Tsunade's breast lightly, Tsunade giggling gleefully.

"Aww! Don't torture the poor boy!" laughed Tsunade, waving Rangiku's hand away happily.

"I'm older than you'll ever be. Don't call me '_boy_'."

Hitsugaya had cracked.

Tsunade and Matsumoto blinked, vaguely registering that the temperature of the room had dropped a few degrees.

"What do you mean by that?" Tsunade asked curiously, tilting her head to the side.

Matsumoto clapped her hand over her captain's mouth and laughed nervously. "My ickle taichou! Always joking!"

Tsunade watched her bottle of sake freeze over, not looking at all drunk anymore, besides the bright blush on her cheeks.

Rangiku was about to announce that they had better be going, but a squeal came from the door, the three of them looking toward it, the temperature going back to normal, Matsumoto's hand still firmly over her captain's mouth.

"TSUNADE-O-BAAAAAAAAAA-CHAN!" came the squeal again, something orange bouncing into the bar.

Toushirou twitched.

Yep. It was a breast-convention.

A girl with rather big breasts, bubbly blue eyes, three stripes on each cheek and bright yellow hair bounded over to Tsunade, Matsumoto and Hitsugaya's table, wearing a bright orange jump-suit that clashed awfully with her hair.

"I told you! Don't call me 'old lady'!" snapped Tsunade, throwing one of the discarded sake bottles at the girl.

The girl ducked and grinned a blinding grin. "Guess what, Tsunade-o-baa-chan!"

"What...?" drawled Tsunade, looking bored.

Toushirou tilted his head back so he could see Matsumoto, giving her an upside-down 'WTF?' look. Matsumoto, in turn, returned it with a shrug.

"Erro-Sennin got into your sake closet." the blonde grinned innocently.

... _boom_.

"HE DID _WHAAAAATTTT_!" shrieked Tsunade, jumping up and towering over the blonde.

The blonde merely raised her eyebrows, still grinning, and zoomed out the door.

"GET BACK HERE, NARUTO!" screamed Tsunade.

The bar became unnaturally quiet while Tsunade fumed, standing on her chair with one foot on the table.

"Wanna see me beat the crap out of a perverted old man?" grinned Tsunade, steam almost visibly streaming out of her ears.

"SURE!" cheered Matsumoto, who flung her arms in the air in celebration, causing her breasts to shove into Hitsugaya's shoulders, thus, shoving Toushirou's face into the table with a loud '_THLUNK!_'.

The bar became slightly more quiet than before, and started loosing it's temperature. _fast_. The barmaid stared in awe as the windows started frosting over.

Hitsugaya said nothing, his vice-captain tapping him hesitantly on the shoulder, his face still connected with the table.

" . . . "

Tsunade stomped her way toward the Hokage office a few minutes later, Matsumoto stomping beside her, both still slightly drunk, Hitsugaya walking normally, his hands in his pockets.

"WHY YOU--" shrieked Tsunade, shoving her hokage office door open without checking who was in there before she started screaming.

Tsunade froze, Matsumoto looking over her shoulder and Hitsugaya tilting his head to the side to look around her.

Shizune stood next to the hokage desk, tapping her foot against the floor, her arms crossed, humungus mountains of paperwork stacked on top of the desk. In the corner; Tsunade's sake closet, closed, full, and untouched.

Sitting with his back against the wall, with a blinding smile, was a boy with bright yellow hair, three stripes on each cheek, and was wearing an orange jump-suit Matsumoto could've sworn she'd seen before.

"Tsunade-sama... I had to get you here with Naruto-kun's help... But what do you _think_ you were _doing_? You have paperwork to finish." the lady beside the desk said darkly, still tapping her foot against the floor.

"I was going to do the paperwork, Shizune! I _waaaas_!" whined Tsunade, stomping over to the desk and poking the mountain of paper.

Matsumoto giggled happily and knelt down in front of the sake closet, bowing before it as though it was a God.

Hitsugaya, meanwhile, was frowning, staring at the boy who was sitting by the wall.

"He can change into a girl." smiled the lady called Shizune at Hitsugaya, who blinked.

"Yeah! I can!" cheered the boy, evidently Naruto.

"Watch! _HENGE_!"

Shizune and Matsumoto whipped around to stare at the cloud of smoke that just 'poofed' into existence where Naruto was before, Hitsugaya tilted his head to the side, scratching his arm absentmindedly, and Tsunade placed her fingers on her temples while closing her eyes.

Hitsugaya saw the smoke clear, and his virgin eyes bled for the second time in one day.

Standing there, was the girl who he had met in the bar, but this time, she was naked.

"_Uuuhn_...!" cooed Naruto's female form, wrapping her slender arms around Hitsugaya's neck and thrusting her magnificent bosom to his nose.

"That won't work, sweety!" grinned Matsumoto. "I've tried it. He's too much of a gentleman to get a nosebleed from that."

"Such a pity..." pouted Naruko, then squeaked and shivered as a cold mist issued from Hitsugaya's mouth and wafted over her cleavage.

Naruko stared at Hitsugaya, of whom glared at her, his cheeks a light pink, his lips seeming to have tiny icicles sticking to them.

"I'd let him go before he turns you into a living icicle." grinned Matsumoto.

"I want to make him _nosebleed_!" protested Naruko, wrapping her arms a little more tightly around Hitsugaya's neck.

Hitsugaya glared at the magnificent breasts that were the only thing he could see, opening his mouth, icicles sticking to his tongue.

"KYAAAHHH!" shrieked Naruko, poofing back into Naruto before stumbling back and falling onto his no-longer-naked ass, rubbing his chest that had tiny icicles sticking to it.

Toushirou slipped his icicle-like tongue back into his mouth and said nothing, crossing his arms.

"He licked your breast?" gasped Rangiku gleefully to Naruto.

"Only so he . . . she... … '_it_' would let go of me." Toushirou muttered darkly.

"But still! You _licked_ it!" squealed Rangiku. "You're holding out on me, taichou! You've _never_ licked _my_ breasts!"

"Why am i surrounded by perverts...?" Hitsugaya whimpered quietly to himself, placing a hand to his forehead.

"It's inevitable. Perverts are everywhere." smiled Shizune, placing a calming hand onto Hitsugaya's shoulder.

"Someone call?"

All six of the people in the room whipped around to stare at the window, where a man with long white hair was standing, red lines down each cheek and a huge scroll tied to his back.

"Heya, erro-sennin!" called Naruto, waving, still rubbing his chest.

"I told you _not_ to call me that!" snapped the man, opening the window and climbing into the room.

"What are you doing here, Jiraiya?" sighed Tsunade, looking up at the man.

But, Jiraiya wasn't paying attention to her... but to Matsumoto's chest. "_uuuuhhhhhh_..."

Tsunade sighed, walking over to Jiraiya, raising a fist.

_WHAM_

Naruto screamed something about '_that's my teacher, dattebayo!_', Shizune raised her eyebrows, Matsumoto clung happily to Tsunade, and Hitsugaya stared down, through the huge hole in the floor where Jiraiya used to be.

Three hours later, the sun was setting, sending glimmering gold, pink, purple and red beams of light to splash over the village of konoha.

Tsunade and Matsumoto were having a sake party with Tsunade's sake closet, Shizune was standing over them, her arms crossed disapprovingly, Naruto was shaking Jiraiya, who was still in the crater that Tsunade had caused him to be in by punching him down four levels of the hokage building through the floor, and Hitsugaya was sifting through Tsunade's mountains of paperwork, finding this land they were in rather intriguing, and placing the papers in small piles in accordance to what it is about.

Hitsugaya placed the last paper in place and stood up, walking over to Tsunade and Matsumoto, who were comparing bra-cup-sizes, and Shizune, who had resigned and joined the two of them for a sake or two.

"I'm sorry, but Matsumoto and I have to go now." Toushirou said over the giggling and squealing of the three women.

"_Aaawwwwwwww_!" whined the three grown women in unison unhappily.

"I promise i'll let Matsumoto come occasionally!" Hitsugaya quickly added, not really wanting to upset any of the drunk women.

"You should come too, Hitsu-chan!" squealed Tsunade, pulling the captain into her lap and cuddling him, her breasts pressed up against his back.

"... I'll think about it." Toushirou smiled, feeling Tsunade give him a light kiss on the top of his head while Matsumoto and Shizune squealed happily.

"SAKE _ALL_ AROUND!" cheered Matsumoto and Tsunade in unison.

Tsunade and Rangiku laughed hysterically while Shizune passed out, Hitsugaya smiling faintly.

Yeah. Coming back would be fun.

((END. Hitsugaya gets all the women in my fanfictions, have you noticed? i just did. XD thanks for reading. WATERMELLONS AND SAKE FOR ALL!))


End file.
